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7 Ways to Increase Balance in Your Relationship

 

We are all brought up differently, and your culture and upbringing will certainly affect the way you give and receive in relationships.

Generally speaking, young girls are taught to be givers and caretakers. Women have been inherently trained to put the needs of others before themselves without subconsciously being aware of it! A great example would be when I was growing up, I remember watching my mother eating the worst cooked vegetables and cuts of meat to make sure others had a meal they enjoyed. Watching this behavior, like it or not, programs young girls to believe they must put the needs of others before themselves. I say ‘STOP!’ No more! This includes men!

This type of thinking and behavior creates an imbalance in your relationships (any relationship) and life. When an imbalance is created in a relationship, which you can unconsciously set-up to re-create unresolved childhood issues, you are continuing to support your stories of inequality and confirm you’re right.

You can always find many ways to support your belief of inequality if you look hard enough. However, the opposite is also true; look for evidence to dispute your theory of imbalance, and you will find it too.

What you pay attention to increases.

  • Focus on the negatives in your relationship; you will get more negatives, which includes imbalance.
  • Concentrate on the positives; you will see more positives in your relationship.

It can be difficult to create a healthy balance in a relationship when an imbalance has been established. Issues can arise when one partner has enjoyed his/her power advantage, for example, owning the house you both live in and holds this over you; it creates a loss of respect for the other person, resentment, uncertainty, anxiety, and emotional divide in the relationship etc.! Wouldn’t you want to know 7 ways to increase balance in your relationship?

Wouldn’t you want to know 7 ways to increase balance in your relationship?

According to Simply Healed, “…most people would say they want to have a balanced relationship with their significant other.”

As a relationship coach, there are multiple tools I use to support people to become more ‘self-aware,’ so they create more balance in their life, which has a positive impact on their relationships; have a more balanced relationship with their significant other.

These paradigms help you to identify your uniqueness so you can step into your authenticity and self-power; no more giving away your best-cut meat and cooked vegetables!

These paradigms help you to identify your uniqueness so you can step into your authenticity and self-power; no more giving away your best-cut meat and cooked vegetables!

To regain, or establish, more equilibrium in your life and relationships, the following are 7 ways to Increase Balance in Your Relationship today!

7 ways to increase balance in your relationship

7 Ways to Increase Balance In your Relationship.

1. Live your life by your priorities.

What are your priorities in life? Identify your priorities and be really clear what they. Tell your partner, or any future partner, your priorities.

An example of a priority could be, if you’re a single solo-parent, your priority must be your children, and there can’t be any compromise on this. Your partner will need to understand that your availability will be limited and you will sometimes have to cancel time together at short notice.

2. Do what makes you happy!

When you spend time waiting by the phone or computer waiting for an email to pop-up from your partner asking you out on a date, you’re missing out on living your life. How many times have you said ‘no’ to friends because you were hoping your partner calls, but he/she doesn’t? You’ve prioritized your partner’s needs over your own by making sure you’re available when they’re free for you. If you want to go out with your friends – say so and do it. If you keep saying no and putting the needs of your partner before yours, you will become unhappy and resentful.

How many times have you said ‘no’ to friends because you were hoping your partner calls, but he/she doesn’t? You’ve prioritized your partner’s needs over your own by making sure you’re available when they’re free for you. If you want to go out with your friends – say so and do it. You will become unhappy and resentful if you keep saying no to things you enjoy doing and you keep putting the needs of your partner before yours.

You will be happier when your needs are met, and when you do see your partner, you will both have more to talk about. You will be more attractive to your partner because you’re happy; we’re more attracted to happy people!

3. Boundaries.

Know what your boundaries are. Set clear boundaries. When you move away from your boundaries your life will feel unbalanced. Be clear with your partner, or potential partners, what is acceptable or unacceptable to you in a relationship. We all have different limits, so it’s important your partner knows what they are; they’re not a mind reader.

An example of a boundary for you could be – no texts or phone calls after 11 p.m. because you need your sleep for work the next day. Others might feel that phone calls at 2 a.m. are ‘romantic’ because that is what they had in previous relationships.

4. Don’t be a punching bag for anyone!!!!

Just because your partner, or someone else you know who feels comfortable enough with you to show their true self, is having a BAD day, do not be an emotional or physical punching bag for them! It is their crap, and it is NOT OKAY for them to verbally or physically attack you so they can feel better!

You are 100% responsible for your own crap! Own it. Your partner and everyone else for that matter is also 100% responsible for their own crap. They need to own their stuff. Do not own it for them!

When someone is trying to ‘off-load’ their stuff on to you and blaming you for their situation – stop it and shut it down straight away, particularly if they are shouting and yelling. If you don’t like the way you’re being spoken to, say so and walk away. Let your partner know you’re available to listen to how they’re feeling when they have calmed down.

When someone is feeling upset about something, it is important to accept the other person’s feelings as valid. Do not dismiss or ignore another person’s feelings, as I’m sure you would not want anyone to minimize how you feel. Try to be in a place of love and curiosity about your partner’s situation, but it is important that your partner OWNS full responsibility for their predicament and does not put it on you and make it ‘your fault!’

*As a side note, if you do not feel physically and/or emotionally safe in your relationship, consider why you are in it and if you’re better off ending things. If it is needed, please contact a local emergency support agency to ensure your immediate safety so you can leave this relationship!*

5. Ask for help.

Gone are the days when women were at home cooking, cleaning and taking the care of the children while men went out to work. Today, women are more often than not also working full-time jobs. Roles in households are no longer clearly defined. Resentment builds within relationships when there’s an apparent imbalance in household tasks and chores.

Again, people do not mind read, and it is important to ask for help and support when it’s needed. Check-in with yourself often and make sure you’re feeling supported. If there is an imbalance in household tasks/chores, consider “What support can I ask from my partner to have more balance in your life?”

6. Give and Take.

Do you find you’re always giving in to what your partner wants? Are your partner’s or others needs prioritized over your own? Do you find yourself going clothes shopping more than fishing? Or going on ‘golfing’ holidays rather than special trips away together? Relationships are about ‘give and take.’ Believe it or not, give and take is MUCH better than compromise. When you compromise, both of you are not happy!

A simple example would be, you want to go to an Indian Restaurant, your partner wants to eat Chinese, so you compromise and have fish and chips = lose/lose!

Give and take is: This time you will eat Indian, and next time you will have Chinese, or vice-versa. When you arrive at the restaurant though, don’t ask what you partner is eating and opt for that too. Choose what you want!

Just because a person is your partner, it does not mean you’re obliged to do what they want to do all the time. It is important that your needs are met too!

Learn the art of receive and accept/take! Sometimes it is easier to give, but it’s important that you learn to receive/take and appreciate what you do have.

7 ways to increase balance in your relationship

7. Value yourself and your life.

When you value yourself and your life, you attract others into your life who will value you and love you. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you. Learn to take excellent self-care of yourself. Accept and understand that self-care is not being selfish. You are worth the time, love and effort.

If you have children, what message do you want to pass on to them?

Do you want them to grow up believing they are not worthy of decent cuts of meat and nicely cooked vegetables? Or, do you want them to believe they are a loving, beautiful person who deserves the best in life and all it has to offer, including loving respectful, equal and balanced relationships?

I know what I want my children to believe! Children learn through observation. Why not set the best example for your kids? Show them that you prioritize your self-care. Show them that it is important to have balance in relationships. Start today, because you are worth it!

There you have it, 7 ways to increase balance in your relationship. What other advice would you add?

Finally, choose 3 actions you can do to create more balance in your life and relationship. I’d love to hear what they are!

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© By Sharon Craig. All Rights Reserved. 2017 Relationship Coach & Social Worker. Coach 2 Connect.

Sharon

I am passionate about supporting people to find their ideal partner & for couples to have authentic, intimate & loving relationships. With over 19 years' experiencing working with people & their relationships, I am able to empower people to gain clarity through their own insights so they consciously choose their ideal partner & develop skills to create loving & rewarding relationships.

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