Authenticity and Vulnerability in a Relationship
Authenticity and Vulnerability Increase Intimacy in a Relationship.
Intimacy in a relationship involves two people and it can be on a physical and emotional level.
On a physical level, sex can increase the connection and intimacy between you and your partner, however, emotional intimacy with your partner increases the likelihood of your relationship lasting long-term.
On an emotional level, intimacy can be interpreted as, “Into Me I See”. When your partner connects with you in a deep and meaningful way, you are allowing him/her to see the ‘true you’; it is the ultimate experience when it comes to intimacy. Emotional intimacy is therefore considered a much deeper level of connection than physical intimacy; sex.
To have a deep and meaningful intimate relationship, you will need to be open and honest with your partner. You’ll need to be willing, and prepared, to express and show your deepest fears, and share your wants and needs. Your partner is not a ‘mind reader’, and if you want, or need, or fear, something in your relationship, you will need to tell him/her.
Expressing and talking about your deepest fears can be pretty scary, particularly if you’re not used to doing it. You might worry that your partner will think less of you for exposing your negative side and reject you because you’re ‘less than perfect’. You might feel very vulnerable and wonder whether or not you’ve done the right thing.
However…..if you don’t express your true and authentic self to your partner, you are denying and rejecting ‘you’.
You are saying:
“you’re not important”, and
“you are not worthy” and
“you are not loveable as you are”; and you are trying to be someone you’re not!
Eventually, if you continue being unauthentic, you can become resentful and your relationship will suffer, or end.
When you keep your fears to yourself, you are putting up emotional barriers that create a division between you and your partner because you don’t want to risk losing him/her by exposing your authentic and vulnerable self; you want to ‘appear – perfect’! These emotional barriers that you put up (because you believe you’re ‘protecting yourself’) actually reduce the emotional intimacy between you and your partner.
When you expose and share your vulnerability with your partner, it increases trust in your relationship. Your partner will get to see the true and authentic you; when this happens, s/he will trust you with his/her feelings. The more you open up to your partner, the more s/he will open up to you! You will be able to have a relationship that is based on deep and meaningful intimacy that is reciprocated.
• Love yourself!
• Love your fears – do not make them wrong!
• Value your wants and needs in a relationship – they are ALL valid
• If discussing your fears is something new to you, start off slowly. Share your ideas and opinions about neutral subjects to develop trust.
• Be authentic and share your fears and worries with your partner.
• Tell your partner what you want and need in the relationship, s/he’s not a mind reader!
• Listen to your partner – do not judge him/her, or condemn him/her, for his/her fears, wants and needs.
• If you find exposing your vulnerable side and disclosing your fears difficult, tell your partner.
• Plan with your partner how you can both share your fears so you feel safe to do this in a loving and supportive way.
• Spend time each week with your partner to discuss and share: hopes, dreams, plans, wants, needs, fears, worries, and experiences where you know you won’t be disturbed.
© By Sharon Craig. All rights reserved. 2016 Relationship Coach. Coach 2 Connect.