Boundaries in Dating
Did you know that boundaries in dating not only supports you to keep physically safe, it also sets the foundation for a potential long-term relationship; you start a relationship the way you mean to go on. Setting boundaries in the dating phase creates a more loving and healthy relationship because you are honoring, "you."
If (like most of us) you've been hurt in a past relationship, you may find yourself wanting to take things slowly so you don't end up in another "lousy relationship." To do this, you need to be really clear about what you want (and don't want) in a relationship by establishing boundaries in the dating stage of your relationship.
We all have rights. It's your right to express yourself, who you are, what you want, and don't want. There is no more important time to establish your rights than during the dating stage of a relationship.
Boundaries in dating should be formed on your rights, which are based on your values, beliefs, wants, needs, and what you "require" in a relationship. You are dating consciously when you have boundaries in place!
Boundaries can't just be a theoretical concept. You have to put your boundaries into practice. For example, you may not feel that it's okay for married people to have affairs but you're dating and sleeping with a married person. What you want, and what you do need to match up and be congruent.
When you're on a date, you need to have boundaries to keep yourself physically and emotionally safe.
- What boundaries do you have in place?
- Do you put a time limit on your first date so you can have a "quick exit" if you feel uncomfortable in with your date's company or they bore you to tears?
- Do you accept or expect a kiss (or more) on your first date?
- When will you introduce any children (if you are a parent) to your date?
Know your boundaries before you start dating. Boundaries in dating will help to take away those awkward moments when you're on a date. You will be able to relax more and enjoy the process; you get to know the person you're with and whether or not you want to see the person again.
- Know what you are willing to accept or not accept on a date.
- Get support from a friend or coach to keep you on the, "straight and narrow."
Here are a few "rights" to kick-start you when you think about putting your "boundaries in dating" list together. Knowing your rights also helps you when you're wavering, for example, saying "no" to that kiss you really don't want!
I have the right to:
- Express how I feel
- Be happy
- Live my life to the fullest; the way I want
- Be loved and love unconditionally
- Express my opinions and beliefs
- Be treated with dignity and respect
- Say "yes" or "no"
- Change my mind
- Say "I don't understand"
- Be me, without acting for the benefit of others
- Decline responsibility for other people's problems
- Make reasonable requests of others
- Set my own priorities
- Be listened to and taken seriously
- Terminate the date when I want
Things to Consider
If your dating partner is not able to honor your rights and boundaries, would you want to be in a relationship, or go on another date, with that person again, let alone consider them to become a marriage partner?
Have you done the Dating Red Flags Checklist? If not, why not click the link below to download your free copy to support you to have the confidence to make a decision whether or not your date is the right person for you?
What boundaries do you put in place when you go on a date?
What to you value? What is important to you in a partner and relationship?
Here are a few suggestions of boundaries in dating that can support you to start your own list.
Set Boundaries to Support Healthy Dating:
- Maximum of one hour for first date
- Meet in a public place (not at their house)
- Know what personal information you're willing to share
- Only coffee on the first date (no meal, etc.)
- Children introduced when you're certain your date meets all your requirements and you're exclusive
- No kiss until third date
- Do not disclose where you live until you're exclusive
- There is no physical intimacy
- They are not physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive
- Respects "me" time and it's not all about "them"
- Supports my interests
- Supports my career
- Communicates financial expenses
- Respects my children
- etc., etc., etc.
The above are only suggestions and ideas when setting boundaries in a new relationship or dating relationship. They are prompts for you to start formulating your own list of boundaries and rights.
I am not suggesting you can't kiss a person until the third date, etc. What you do is up to you, which will be based on your values and beliefs. When you decide something is a boundary for you, it's about being firm around what is, and what is not acceptable for, you!
You are important and your views, rights, and boundaries need to be honored. A healthy relationship has boundaries.
When you know your rights and boundaries in dating (and your date knows and respects them), you are more likely to develop a fulfilling and loving relationship.
- You will be more authentic
- You will be living and speaking your truth
- Resentments will be reduced
- You will be more attractive to your date
- Communication will improve
- Conflict in your relationships will be reduced
- You and your date are not mind readers and it removes doubts when you know and share each other's boundaries in dating
- It opens up the relationship for deeper and more intimate conversations if you want to progress the relationship
- You will both be living in line with your values
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- Write your list of boundaries based on your values, beliefs, wants, needs, and requirements in a relationship. Start brainstorming and keep adding to the list as new ideas surface. You may want to keep a journal to record your thoughts and ideas. Remember to include your emotional boundaries and physical boundaries.
- Keep the list in mind when you go on dates. You may want to go through the list with a friend or coach. It's developing the ability to know when to say, "Yes," and when to say, "No" without feeling guilty!
- Observe if your date respects your boundaries; re-evaluate if you want this person in your life if they don't respect your boundaries! Watch for the warning signs.
If you want support to establish your rights and boundaries in dating, why not book a coaching session with me? Simply select the "Service" on the form below and click "Continue." Coaching available Worldwide!
I look forward to connecting.
Until next time
Relationship Coach and Dating Coach
Coach 2 Connect
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