When you know what kind of partner you are, you will discover what "type" of partner you attract, and why!
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Okay, why do you need to know what kind of partner you are? You know who you are, right? Well, surprisingly, not many know how they come across to others, including a date or partner. How you act and react influences who you attract as a partner into your life. For instance, if you are kind, caring, sharing, thoughtful, and an attentive partner (even to the point where put your partner's needs before yours) you are more than likely going to attract a partner who is a "victim" and needs rescuing.
Do you find yourself ending up in the same relationships (with the same problems) over and over again despite it being with a different person? Are you worried about repeating the same mistakes and getting into yet another lousy relationship? Do you find you're the one who constantly puts all the work into your relationships? You are in a cycle of behavior. If you want a different kind of partner, you need to identify and know your patterns in a relationship so you can change them!
You can look at the following questions in one of two ways, whichever way supports you to see things more clearly is right for you. You can see the items as "you" in a relationship, or the "kind" of partner you attract. For instance, when you're in a relationship, do you find you are insecure and worry that you will be abandoned, or do you attract a partner who is clingy and needy because they fear being abandoned?
Do you end up in relationships where one of you is clingy and needy?
Do you usually feel the love disappears and your partner is no longer romantic after the first few dates? Do you want something else from your next relationship?
When you are in the Heroine power archetype, you see yourself as the "good" person in the relationship. You want to be needed by your partner, which makes you feel superior and valued. You have an uncanny ability to do things without being asked, and as a result your partner feels indebted and obligated to do things for you in return.
When you are in the Needy Nag power archetype, you have a sense of anxiety and worry that your partner will leave you or that he does not love you anymore. Everywhere you look, there is confirmation that your partner does not care about you. To gain a sense of power, you pursue your partner, constantly questioning, judging, and criticizing. You also test whether your partner cares for you.
When you step into the Boss power archetype, you have to be in control. You believe you are superior and more entitled to dominate and control your partner. You tend to adopt a domineering and authoritarian position when you compete for power with your partner. You gain attention by using forceful, loud, controlling, and sometimes threatening outbursts.
When you are in the Damsel in Distress power archetype, you feel powerless, helpless, resentful, and unable to change your situation. You gain power through making your partner feel a sense of obligation to do things for you through pity and guilt. You avoid taking responsibility for doing things for yourself and rely on your partner to meet your needs. You fear not being good enough for your partner and believe he will criticize or ignore you when you do not meet his expectations.
When you are in the Ice Queen power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship by withdrawing and closing down. You get a sense of power by calling the shots—when you will engage, or not engage with your partner, and how much information you will share. You value your freedom, and you fear you will lose your identity and your partner will consume and smother you, which is why you withdraw and become emotionally unavailable.
If you identify as male, are you the Knight in Shining Armor, Clingy Guy, Sergeant Major, Victim, or the Tin Man?
When you are in the Knight in Shining Armor, you gain a sense of power and control through appreciation and being needed. You "need" to be "needed!" You have warmth, compassion, understanding, empathy, and are supportive. Your partner enjoys your optimism and positive outlook on life. You will charge in and "rescue" your partner, even when they don't ask for your help; your partner is now indebted to you for your support. If your partner doesn't need rescuing, you may sabotage events or situations to gain power and feel "needed."
When you are in the Clingy Guy power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship through attention-seeking. You are insecure, you lack trust, highly sensitive, clingy, and critical of your partner; you need "lots" of reassurance. You are insecure and jealous, and behave anxiously in your relationships. You can be constantly in your partner's face so they have to give you attention.
When you are in the Sergeant Major power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship through intimidation. Out of all the power archetypes, the Sergeant Major is the most aggressive. You are very focused, authoritative, determined, and get straight to the point. You demand order and structure in your life. The more out of control you feel internally, the more you need to control your partner and your external world.
When you are in the Victim power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship through manipulation and passivity. You are the most passive of the male power archetypes. You are loyal, sensitive, and insecure. You will use the "helpless" card and "blame" to control your partner and get support. You do not like conflict so you use passive tactics to compete for power.
When you are in the Tin Man power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship by withholding love, affection and information. You retreat into your tin shell to avoid intimacy and connection. You are a hardworking, dependable person who enjoys routines. You have rigid boundaries and find it difficult to make changes. You avoid feelings believing you don't have a heart.
As with all of us, there are unconscious patterns, stories, myths, and programs at work in your life.
There are things you believe about yourself and others that are (mostly) the result of early programming and experiences, and these beliefs shape your behavior and who you attract as your partner.
Is your partner compatible?
What personality type are you attracted to?
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It's time to uncover the hidden internal influences at play in your life and relationships. To discover your patterns so you can date differently and attract your ideal partner. Take the 3-minute test by clicking the start quiz button below!
I would love to hear how you got on and what result you got! Quizzes can be great fun, but they can also be very informative to support you to learn something about yourself.
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