What is your biggest fear in relationships?
Do you worry that you will be abandoned?
Maybe you don't want to be ridiculed?
What about not being loved anymore if your partner discovered the "real you"?
When you are in "fear," you feel "unsafe," disconnected, and need to gain power. You use a power archetypal pattern to (which you developed in early childhood) to gain power and feel safe. You do this by competing for power at the expense of your partner, and the relationship.
So as you can see...fear can dictate and run your relationships, your choices, and how you respond.
Wouldn't it be great to be in a relationship without fear?
*please know that when the word "you" is used, it means "ALL" of us*
You use tactics to manipulate and gain power for attention, love, control, support, approval, connection, and recognition, etc., from your partner. Your tactics are not conscious and deliberate to hurt those you love, they're your natural protective mechanisms you developed in early childhood to ensure your survival.
Manipulation takes place on three levels: an emotional, psychological and spiritual level. You can easily get caught up in your ego and try to "get one over" on your partner or another person, and this is when you feel dissatisfied and drained in the relationship.
You may believe that if you need anything, you cannot get it for yourself, you cannot meet your own needs, and you have to get your needs met from outside of you, from things and people around you. You, therefore, have to control your external world, which includes your intimate relationships, to survive and get your needs met.
When you have this belief, you associate, and connect, with others and communities who also have similar beliefs. For example, if you believe that you won’t be happy until you are in a relationship, you are projecting the energy of a person who "needs" to be, and "has" to be, in a relationship before it is too late. You will, therefore, attract a like-minded person who is possibly "desperate" to get into a relationship.
They believe, "life will be better" when they have a partner rather than working on feeling better within themselves before seeking a relationship. This type of relationship will more than likely become co-dependent because both partners rely on the other to make them happy, which is a recipe for disaster.
Maybe you are in a relationship with a partner you believe is emotionally avoidant. When you are in a relationship and you feel disconnected from your partner, you can feel very lonely. The pain of loneliness and empty feelings whilst with the partner you love is more excruciating than any feelings of loneliness you will EVER have when you are single, or alone.
Have you ever felt the pain in the pit of your stomach and the depths of your heart because you so desperately want to have a connection with your partner? You feel so alone. You become riddled with fear of rejection and feel even more alone than ever. You can become defensive towards your partner and use numbing techniques such as alcohol, shopping, or gambling to "numb" your pain. Fear can create a division in any relationship.
Back to the earlier question...what is your biggest relationship fear?
What if I told you your answer is probably influenced by your gender?
Generally, man's greatest relationship fear is disappointing his partner; he does not want to be a disappointment! A man tends to feel guilty when he believes he has disappointed his partner.
On the other hand, generally a woman's biggest relationship fear is being abandoned, which is why more women than men tend to have needy and clingy archetypal power patterns than men.
When you connect with your partner or other significant people (for instance, this can include your parents), you make subconscious and conscious agreements with them, which is based on your beliefs about yourself and the other person. You will act and behave in certain ways to get their approval, to feel worthy, and ensure they will not abandon you.
We behave and interact differently around others to AVOID looking at our own core issues, beliefs, and insecurities. You learn to conform and stick to your unspoken agreements with your partner, or significant person, because you do not want your partner, your most intimate/significant relationship, to see you as the enemy and walk out on you. On the other hand, males tend to avoid being seen as the "enemy" and being disapproved of.
If you dare to challenge and rise up against your unspoken agreement with your partner or significant other, you could lose the love and life you created together, which may include financial support. In short, this love is conditional, the condition that you stick to the unspoken agreement, do not challenge it, and do not change your behavior.
Are you ready to take the 3-minute quiz and discover your dominant power archetype?
If you're in a relationship, why not get your partner to take the quiz too and reveal their dominant power archetype? You will gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics in your relationship!
If you're single and dating, this quiz can give you insights into the relationship compatibility of the people you're dating.
If you are, just click here to start the quiz or on the button below!
If you have any questions about your results or a relationship situation, click here (or the link below) to contact me and arrange a free 30-minute consultation.
I look forward to connecting.
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