How to be a Power Couple

When you think of the term, "Power Couple," you may conjure up images of rich and famous couples such as Barack and Michelle Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, George and Amal Clooney, David Beckham and Posh Spice, or Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez. 

You may even aspire to have a relationship like the Clooneys or another famous couple. Without wanting to shatter your bubble of successful and famous couples, most of their images are perfectly managed and curated for the public (what people want). Generally, the rich and famous employ Public Relations (PR) companies to raise their profile in their professional lives. PR companies often get two successful people who have good looks and work together, to show off their best self in mainstream media and social media.

Many celebrity couples marry one another for the publicity, it's not simply because they spend time together, it's a business deal. Their need for fame dictates their personal lives. They purposefully create the image of a powerful couple to sell their "brand," rub shoulders with others in the world of the elite, and remain relevant whilst making money. 

What is a Power Couple?

A power couple is not any of this fake PR rubbish that we've been sold. The rich and famous have tried to sell "the dream" since the beginning of the media era, which no one can live up to, even them. The elite try to show the public that they have got what "everyone wants," but seriously, they couldn't be more wrong.

Real power couples understand what it takes to be powerful, to feel fulfilled, which includes making decisions together rather than against one another. When you have the real deal, nothing can top that!

Virtually every single couple competes with their partner for power. When you discover how (and why) you compete with your partner, you will learn how to harness that energy so you can join forces and support one another to become a genuine power couple

You may not be rich.

You may not be famous.

On the bright side, what you do have an authentic relationship. You can experience the love and connection of a "real" relationship and become a power couple; a relationship everyone wants. A genuinely happy couple is something no amount of money or fame can buy!

When you work together with your partner (in partnership), understanding power of unity, you're a force to be reckoned with.

You have each other's backs and you know you can rely on the other in your time of  need. You mutually respect your partner's boundaries, personal growth/goals and aspirations so they can become the best they can be, as an individual and as a couple.

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“Power Couple—Both individuals bring something to the table, they learn from each other, they support one another and build together.”

The Power of Connection

When it comes to relationships and compatibility, there is no formula, assessment, quiz, test, astrology chart, card reading, or other predictive devices out there that can tell you exactly who is, and who is not right for you or how to have healthy relationships.

And if you throw chemistry and attraction into the mix, good luck!

Having said all that, there is a single powerful tool that you can use in your life to create stronger, more fulfilling, and more authentic relationships. Understanding who you are (your temperament) and how you react when you're in fear, in times of stress, need, and overwhelm is a step towards understanding the differences between you and your partner, and getting over conflict quickly.

Every conflict you have is a competition for power, and that includes competing with your partner.

Now, if you and your partner channel and redirect that energy you use to compete for power (the energy you both use that sabotages your relationship) and come together, work in tandem "with" your partner rather than "against" your partner, supporting one another, you will be a true "Power Couple." 

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”Life is made of moments; how deep those moments are depend on the quality of your relationships."

—Sharon Craig

Despite popular belief, no relationship is fortunate enough to be drama free and no two intimate couples are doomed (especially romantic relationships). To become a power couple, you need to stop competing with your partner, which almost every couple experiences!

If your relationship is struggling, and you're "over" conflict, competing for power with your partner, and you want to be a "power couple," there is something you can do about it:

Learn your dominant power archetype!

Wonder Woman gif

Let Go of Your Stories

We all have unconscious patterns, stories, myths, and programs that we believe about ourselves and others, and these beliefs shape our behavior and how we function in our relationships.

The unconscious mind is a term coined by a psychologist, Freud, to refer to a part of the mind that cannot be known by the conscious mind; you're not literally unconscious.

We go about our days repeating the same behaviors, day in and day out. Typically we're not even aware of how our thoughts work to shape what we do, and how they impact our relationships. It only takes one person in a relationship to change the patterns in a relationship.

Knowing your power archetype helps you to understand some of the negative and positive aspects of your behavior, how you interact in your relationships, and why you encounter difficulties.

Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram provide profiles of different personality types of people, which is different from power archetypes. Power archetypes are patterns people unknowingly use to gain power so they feel safe. You are not your power archetypal patterns, it is a mask you wear, a persona you portray to elicit power. You use it as your default protection mechanism.

One thing is clear, the moment you move into one of the power archetypes, you activate the power pattern and behavior that is familiar to you. However, some people (and couples) may constantly function in a power archetypal pattern, which is operating quietly in the background and is not as obvious as a "
full-on" battle between two people.
Just because the volume has been turned down in the power pattern and the behaviors are more subtle, it does not mean competition for power in your relationship is not operating.

Knowing the ten power archetypes will support you to understand yourself, your partner, and why you experience competition for power and conflict in your relationship. There are five female and five male power archetypes. (Please note that these distinctions are not based on anatomy so much as energy).

Despite the title of some of the power archetypes (they may not sound so appealing to you), no power archetype is bad; they're just patterns of behavior. No archetypal pattern is worse than, or more superior to another.

Are you ready to see the ten power archetypes?


What is your dominant power archetype? 

If you identify as female, are you the Heroine, Needy Nag, Boss, Damsel in Distress, or Ice Queen?



When you are in the Heroine power archetype, you see yourself as the "good" person in the relationship. You want to be needed by your partner, which makes you feel superior and valued. You have an uncanny ability to do things without being asked, and as a result, your partner feels indebted and obligated to do things for you in return.

power struggles in relationships

When you are in the Needy Nag power archetype, you have a sense of anxiety and worry that your partner will leave you or that he does not love you anymore. Everywhere you look, there is confirmation that your partner does not care about you. To gain a sense of power, you pursue your partner, constantly questioning, judging, and criticizing. You also test whether your partner cares for you.


boss lady

When you step into the Boss power archetype, you have to be in control. You believe you are superior and more entitled to dominate and control your partner. You tend to adopt a domineering and authoritarian position when you compete for power with your partner. You gain attention by using forceful, loud, controlling, and sometimes threatening outbursts.

Damsel in Distress

damsel in distress

When you are in the Damsel in Distress power archetype, you feel powerless, helpless, resentful, and unable to change your situation. You gain power through making your partner feel a sense of obligation to do things for you through pity and guilt. You avoid taking responsibility for doing things for yourself and rely on your partner to meet your needs. You fear not being good enough for your partner and believe he will criticize or ignore you when you do not meet his expectations.

Ice Queen

ice queen

When you are in the Ice Queen power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship by withdrawing and closing down. You get a sense of power by calling the shots—when you will engage, or not engage with your partner, and how much information you will share. You value your freedom, and you fear you will lose your identity and your partner will consume and smother you, which is why you withdraw and become emotionally unavailable. 

If you identify as male, are you the Knight in Shining Armor, Clingy Guy, Sergeant Major, Victim, or the Tin Man?

Knight in Shining Armor

the knight in shining armor

When you are in the Knight in Shining Armor, you gain a sense of power and control through appreciation and being needed. You "need" to be "needed!" You have warmth, compassion, understanding, empathy, and are supportive. Your partner enjoys your optimism and positive outlook on life. You will charge in and "rescue" your partner, even when they don't ask for your help; your partner is now indebted to you for your support. If your partner doesn't need rescuing, you may sabotage events or situations to gain power and feel "needed."

clingy guy

When you are in the Clingy Guy power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship through attention-seeking. You are insecure, you lack trust, highly sensitive, clingy, and critical of your partner; you need "lots" of reassurance. You are insecure and jealous, and behave anxiously in your relationships. You can be constantly in your partner's face so they have to give you attention.

Sergeant Major

sergeant major

When you are in the Sergeant Major power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship through intimidation. Out of all the power archetypes, the Sergeant Major is the most aggressive. You are very focused, authoritative, determined, and get straight to the point. You demand order and structure in your life. The more out of control you feel internally, the more you need to control your partner and your external world. 



When you are in the Victim power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship through manipulation and passivity. You are the most passive of the male power archetypes. You are loyal, sensitive, and insecure. You will use the "helpless" card and "blame" to control your partner and get support. You do not like conflict so you use passive tactics to compete for power. 

Tin Man

tin man

When you are in the Tin Man power archetype, you gain a sense of power and control in the relationship by withholding love, affection, and information. You retreat into your tin shell to avoid intimacy and connection. You are a hardworking, dependable person who enjoys routines. You have rigid boundaries and find it difficult to make changes. You avoid feelings believing you don't have a heart.  

What is Your Dominant Power Archetype?

If you had a choice, I bet you'd opt for the Heroine or The Knight, and you'd avoid the Needy Nag and Victim at all cost!

The Knight and the Heroine have patterns, stories, myths, and programs that shape what people do, and how they interact in relationships too!

To recognize and change your relationship patterns so you share power and become a power couple, you need to know how power archetypes are at play in your life.

Are you ready to take the quiz and discover your dominant power archetype?


The results of the quiz will be influenced by how you feel at the time you complete it. For instance, if you just argued with your partner or another significant person in your life, this will impact your feelings and how you perceive the statements; if you have just had a lovely romantic dinner, your feelings will be influenced, and your perception of the statements will differ.

Therefore, if you find that you do not agree with your results, you may opt to fill out the quiz again, at a time when you feel free from such influences.

The extent to which we inhabit an archetype is on a spectrum and sliding scale. As with all things, take from the quiz what resonates with you and discard the rest.

power couple in masks and cape

How to Be a Power Couple

When you know your dominant power archetype, you can improve the quality of your relationships and be a power couple!

When you "don't know" your dominant power archetype, it's a "habit" every time you step into the pattern. When you "know" your pattern, it is "no longer" a habit when you step into your pattern; you are making a conscious choice.

To be a power couple, it is a decision you make (or not make) every time you move into your dominant pattern. A power couple goes beyond words, it's about action, and how you support one another in a social situation and in your private lives! You know exactly what you're doing and choose to either compete with your partner or face the challenges together. You encourage goodness within the relationship towards each other and people around you. The choice is yours!

When you have taken the quiz and "know" your dominant power archetype and the patterns you use, you have no excuses...are you ready to take the free 3-minute quiz and discover your dominant power archetype because there's no turning back?

Why not get your partner to take the quiz too to reveal their dominant power archetype? You will gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics in your relationship!

If you have any questions about your results or a relationship situation, 
select a "Service" in the form below and click "Continue" to book a coaching session with me.

I look forward to connecting.

Until next time


Relationship Coach and Dating Coach

Coach 2 Connect

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Victim power archetype download pdf

Receive your FREE Report to download and read in your own time!

In your personalized report, you will get some great information about your results...

  • Know and understand your power archetype and how it affects you in your relationships
  • See the power patterns at play in your relationships
  • How to stop the conflict in your relationship
  • Understand the qualities of your power archetype so you can use this to your advantage
  • Steps to support you to have the relationship you want!
  • Discover why you experience conflict in your relationships and why you compete for power

If you want to discover more about power archetypes and the different patterns you may use in your relationships, check out my book "Female Power Archetypes" on Amazon by clicking the link below!

Female Power Archetypes Front Cover

Female Power Archetypes

Whether you realize it or not, there’s a story that governs your relationships. There are unconscious patterns, stories, and programs that shape your behavior in our relationships. To recognize and change these behaviors you need to know how power archetypes are at work in your relationships.

You have a dominant power archetype that determines how you react in times of need, and being overwhelmed, stressed, and afraid. By learning your dominant power archetype you can uncover the heart of the conflict in your relationships and move into a place of confidence, balance, and happiness.

If you want to know more about power archetypes and how it influences your relationship, check out my book, Female Power Archetypes, on Amazon by clicking the button below!

Take the quiz and discover your dominant power archetype

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